Forgivable Lies
by iceprincessinfinity
Summary: Kyle/Stan, oneshot. Kyle regrets that his feeling's don't match Stan's, but he accepts that he can't change them. Not exactly slash, just poetic-sounding emotions.


**Disclaimer: **I own this story, but not South Park itself.

**Author's Note: **I just had to write this out, although you might not like it. It's based on personal experience and real feelings that I have for someone. Kyle's POV, in case you can't tell.

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**Forgivable Lies**

We've never been together, and we're never going to be together. I think he knows that, but he never seems to give up. Can someone really be given to such desperation that they lie to themselves about everything? Every hug, every kiss…does that scream the word "relationship" to him? We're not together…and yet at the same time we are. Even though it's all imaginary, even though it's not real, somehow we're still together in every sense of the word.

He's lying asleep beside me as I look at his peaceful face. It hurts me to know the only reason he smiles in his sleep is because he knows I'm lying next to him. I'm always the first thing he sees in the morning, and the last thing he sees when he goes to bed at night. This never seems right to me, and I wonder, does it feel right to him? Every time we hug, does he feel complete? I feel nothing more for him than friendship. I love him so very much…just never the way he loves me.

And I suppose he has me trapped. I would never do anything to hurt him, for my soul is entwined in his, and his death would mean my death. I have to keep him alive, for both our sakes. I only tell him the truth, but if only we didn't have different interpretations of it! The world would be perfect if I could smile at him in the morning, see the love of my life, and kiss him passionately.

Instead, I wake up to the sound of an alarm clock, and grumble about the early hour. He leans over me and smiles, and I curse at him before relenting and giving him a small kiss on the cheek. He begs for those kisses. He says sweet things, he always puts me first, and then he takes me into his lap and looks up at me, waiting for me to relent and kiss him gently. And I do kiss him gently. I care for him more than I've ever cared for anyone else. With every touch, every glance, I let him know just how much he means to me.

That's the whole problem. He can feel how much he doesn't mean to me. I see the sorrow fill his eyes every time we pull away. We both fall asleep crying, many nights. We cry for each other, for the cruelness of the world, and the unfairness of the human heart. We cry because we'll always be two incomplete halves of one soul.

Stan found his soulmate, a long time ago. And I was the first to know. I remember how he came rushing into my room, and announced to me that he knew who he was meant for. And I also remember thinking that she better be a nice girl, who wouldn't break his heart, because I didn't know how I could live with the pain if my best friend got his heart broken.

For months he would sit with me, watching me, not saying a word. He told me he was still working on making his soulmate see what was right in front of their eyes. I begged this girl would figure it out soon, so he would be happy again. Until the day he kissed me. He told me I was his soulmate, and he loved me. I never did have the heart to tell him he had it all wrong. I just kissed him back and told him I was happy, and that was that.

Deep in his heart, he knew it was all a lie. He knew I didn't really love him…but I would still like to think he knew I was trying. That he still knows that I am trying. I can't love him when I haven't found my soulmate yet. And maybe, just maybe, he really is my soulmate. But I know I'll never know if that's true or not.

See, I've stopped looking for my soulmate. I put my whole life on hold just so that he could live his dream. Sometimes I think back to our school days. I could have been a doctor, a lawyer, or even a philosopher. I'm not, and I never will be. He wanted me in his sight, always. He wanted to be sure he wasn't dreaming, he wanted to know I would never leave. And so I promised him that I would never leave.

It was a foolish promise to make. It was probably the worst decision I have ever made in my life. But that promise is what still keeps me here, five years later, in a one-sided relationship that we're both lying about. It's the promise that made me love him…it's the promise that made him fall in love with me.

As much as people like to think they're the same, there is a real difference between "love" and being "in love". I think that when you're in love, your life must revolve around that person. You must care about them more than anyone else and never change your opinion of them for the worse. It sounds stressful. When you love someone, you care about them. You might be hurt without them. But you don't need to be with them all the time, and you don't need to spend every second of your day with them.

I slip my hand into his, and smile into his shoulder. I could never be in love with him, no matter how much he wishes I was. But I'll love him until the end of time, and I guess that's good enough for now.

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**Author's Note: **Hope you liked it…I know it was a little depressing yet sweet, but I hope it turned out well. Please review, and let me know what you think! Updates on other stories should be up soon, and I'm sorry for the long wait.


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